Hey internet fam,
Sam here, coming to you live from my kitchen table doing my best to retrace my thoughts from my drive home 3 days ago…
It’s about 10:20AM PST, a little overcast and I’ve got a grande pike roast in hand, heading north on the 101 with a Spotify shuffle ranging anything from Drake’s Views to some vintage Aretha Franklin. I know, interesting combo. I’m reflective in the Mazda, way too reflective…like I think I think too much about what happened in the past and what’s going to happen next. I have to connect the dots to fully understand my life, what I’ve done and what I’m going to do, why certain things are the way they are. Maybe you do the same?
Coffee hits and the brainstorm starts…alright Sam, what should we think about today? I land on passion, I know…shocker. I’ve always felt like people misinterpreted the word, passion. For example, when the question gets popped up in conversation, “what are you passionate about” or “what do you love to do”, does your skin start to crawl a little bit, mind starts to internally sweat? You think to yourself, however I answer this question, I’m fucked. If I play it cool and give a surface level answer like “outside of my normal job, I like to hike and spend time with my friends”, they’ll think I’m boring, but at least they won’t think I’m weird. If I answer truthfully and go in depth about how I have no sense of what I love to do, no sense of what gives me purpose, they will think I’m having an identity crisis. The hard truth is that, that answer is too polarizing for us all to hear. It’s too heavy of a punch at our dignity. Humans hate the truth…I guess that’s why fake news spreads six times faster than real news. It’s always a lose/lose situation.
Moreover, I feel as though quarantine has essentially exposed us all. We have way too much time to self-reflect. Now that we can’t rely on raging face on the weekend, bullshitting in class, talking shop at work, we’re left with the tough questions.
- How do I fill my time?
- What makes me feel satisfied?
- Is what I’m doing right now putting me on the best possible path to success?
- What am I pAsSiOnAtE about?
Shitty questions…look yourself in the mirror questions.
Push to the side and watch TikTok until your brain goes numb questions.
I created this blog to further articulate my thoughts, tell stories and share my point of view, talk about shit we don’t want to talk about, answer the tough questions.
My first thought, why does that answer sound so polarizing?
In today’s society, I truly believe that being authentic and truthful is polarizing because we fear self-reflection. We crave positive affirmation and quick hits of dopamine from strangers, but fear self-reflection and vulnerability in our own pursuit of happiness. It doesn’t matter how old you are, where you stand in the world…it will always be easier to point the finger and tell someone else how they should do life, then to look in the mirror and figure it out for yourself. I know, kind of heavy, but stay with me here.
That answer is polarizing because we can all feel a little piece of it in our hearts. It doesn’t matter if you’re deemed the most successful person on the planet or viewed as a lazy sack of shit…taking a step back and assessing what truly makes you happy, what gives you purpose, feels like a daunting life-long task. It’s like that one massive word problem on your high school math test that you put off till the end of the period just so you had enough time to glance at your neighbor’s paper and reword their answer with some chicken scratch…or least that’s what I did.
I know what you’re thinking now…Sam, how the fuck does a high school math word problem relate to self-reflection, relate to the fact that I don’t know what my passion is, what my purpose is.
Let me explain.
Further analysis into Sam’s analogy.
When you leave your word problem till the end of the test, your mind is exhausted. The last thing you want to do is think for yourself, so you say, eh fuck it, and look over at your neighbor’s paper to see what they are doing. After rewording your neighbor’s answer, you copy your own half-ass bullshit version, turn your test in and walk out feeling a little unsatisfied, but relieved it’s over.
In most standard math tests, it starts with a multiple-choice section and ends with a few word problems. Multiple-choice questions make up roughly 80 percent of the test, while word problems make up the final 20.
Multiple-choice questions tend to be easier and less intensive, but worth less points.
Word problems tend to be more difficult and thought provoking, but worth more points.
Multiple choice questions in real life are things like…
- What am I going to eat for breakfast?
- Have I studied enough for my test?
- What time am I going to work out today?
Questions we may ask ourselves on a daily basis.
Word problem questions in real life are things like…
- What are three things that give me a sense of purpose?
- Are the people I spend the most time around good influences, people I look up to?
- Why am I doing what I’m doing?
Questions we may ask ourselves once every few months.
As humans/students, we naturally gravitate towards attacking the multiple-choice section first and tell ourselves we will get to the word problems at the end. It just feels right. It’s sort of what we are told to do, what we program ourselves into.
Here is where I believe we can flip the script.
As a fresh out of college 22-year-old, I understand that I don’t possess the “How to do life” handbook, although, I will say this about our generation. We have become so fixated on what “passion” or “purpose” looks like that we don’t even allow time for ourselves to think, as unique individuals. We see it through our screens every single day…an influx of curated lifestyle’s feeding out propaganda ultimately leading you to believe that your passion or purpose has to be some immaculate endeavor that everyone knows about. I said earlier that I feel like people misinterpret the word, passion. What I meant was that I think we often forget that passion isn’t something we do, it’s something we feel. Passion is defined as a feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something. It’s not something you have to post, talk about endlessly, dedicate your life to. It’s just a feeling, a feeling that only you truly know.
I understand that finding what you truly love to do isn’t an overnight process, but more a cumulation of thousands of tiny moments and experiences in your life that fill your identity whole. It’s easy to find yourself lost in those tiny moments, day by day, sucked in. I’ve always believed that separating yourself from the monotony of daily life and giving yourself a chance to be utterly selfish for a brief moment, allows you to truly self-reflect as an individual. Throw the multiple-choice questions out of the window for an hour and lose your sense of time, lose a sense of everything besides yourself. Now that you’re the “main character”, write down a bunch of stuff that gives you “that” feeling, a feeling of enthusiasm. No one is judging you, it’s literally just for yourself. Like it could be as simple as the feeling you get scoring a bucket in a D3 intramural basketball game, the feeling you get when your little sister asks you for advice, the feeling you get from coffee with a close friend in the morning, literally anything that gets you fired up, anything that gives you a sense of purpose.
Taking a step back to assess where you’re at, answering a couple of word problems, might not directly answer the question, “what is your passion”, but I believe it gives you a better sense of direction, a better sense of why you do the things you do. Following the things that bring you the most enthusiasm and joy shouldn’t have to be explained or shared with anyone, it’s just for you. That feeling should be protected, at all costs. We have all felt that feeling, sometimes it’s just hard to recognize.
So maybe the next time somebody asks you the question, “what is your passion”, or “what do you love to do”, hit them with something honest and authentic to yourself, you never know where the conversation could go.
Maybe next time you find yourself in a rut of daily life, take a step away for a minute and ask yourself a tough question. I know…tough questions suck but they allow us to make sense of what brings us true enthusiasm and happiness. They make us want to chase after something, chase after that feeling.
I mean isn’t that the goal at the end of the day, just to be happy.
If you made it this far, thank you. Hope this provided some value or insight on how my brain works.
Until next time, internet fam.
With Love,
Sam Snowden
words by sam. 